The Beginning ~ Ruth & Kengo's first performance of Kaleidoscope Being

Accompanying post from January 13, 2020

“Last week was a practice in radical vulnerability.

I stretched myself to my edges. I challenged myself to take a breath, find comfort in the uncomfortable, and trust that taking risks is a part of growth.

I am so blessed that when I jumped into the unknown, with bold words I used to whisper like secrets, my community was there to catch me. When I doubted myself, I was greeted with nothing but love. A year ago, a month ago, I would not have had the courage to bear my heart to so many people. So tonight, I’m feeling inspired to share a little more widely with the world because goddamn, I am proud! of! myself!

PART 2

I really really really love to sing. It makes my heart infinitely lighter. But like all things that are good for me, I tend to neglect them, to prioritize work, to say “it’s alright, I can wait,” when I’m just aching with longing. But in this week of radical vulnerability, I felt such a strong calling to take a risk, to do something daring, to receive all judgement and opinions and assessments with grace and decide instead that I will validate and affirm myself. I don’t want to hold my power of creation deep within, I don’t want to lay my emotions aside, I don’t want to waste the an opportunity to cleanse and to process and to celebrate!

So here I am with this dear dear dear soul Kengo Nagaoka, for the first time singing a song that I wrote in front of an audience. I think it’s called Kaleidoscope Being. And, with all the forgotten words, and laughter and microphone mishaps and little ones running around, I am so full of joy sharing this. Honestly, I don’t care much that it’s imperfect. I am loving the mistakes. We were too busy having fun. I think this was the healing that my little heart has needed, the reminder to honor myself and to revel in the pure joy of creating magic moment.”